You think life is hard

So when reading this it might seem to you that I do not like my job, or even am selfish and not want to help this little girl and maybe I am but if you let me explain maybe I won't be looked down on so much. Okay so about a month ago I started this job working with disability children or adults. When I started I told them that I did not have experience in doing what they are doing there except when I was a senior in high school I worked in the special ed room as a helper and just did exactly what the head teacher told me to do. So to come up with things that the child needs to do by myself is not going to be easy for me. The first child that I was working with could do everything for herself the main thing that I had to work on is her not running off or talking like a baby when she is 8 years old. I loved this girl but something came up where I am not working with her any more. She will be fine with whom ever works with her. Now I am working with someone that can't do anything by herself but chew once something is in her mouth. She is the most sever case that comes to the center. The main thing we are suppose to work with her is to get her to reach for things and feed herself. Now for what I know about her situation. She comes from a single dad family, I don't know what happened or where her mother is. When you go to her house you see pictures around the house of pictures of her and she looks normalish. There is one picture that she is right up in to the camera and her father is behind her that is laughing. She could not do that now but it could not be more than a year or so ago.What happened to make her change? I have no idea but whatever it was that did this to her is sad and strange to me. I did not go to school for this. Yesterday was my first day with her. I was there from an hour and 45 minutes and was trained on what to work on her with. When I helped her walk to another room I got shooting pains up my left arm the whole time I was walking with her I was hoping that I did not drop her and that I would not cry from the pain. Then when dinner was ready my trainer said that she has bitten her before but not for awhile. I am not good with biting, when children bit it just makes me mad. I would not be able to do anything but bit my own tongue because she does not know better, I would not be able to do what I normally would do. When she was on the floor or one the couch it was easier to do my job in those places and if I could never move her then I think I could do it a lot better but that is not the case. We have to help her strengthen her back muscles. And helping her develop. And the then after being there for only that hour and 45 minutes I left got into my car and just cried. I felt like I could not control myself. I did that after that long with her and with someone helping me. What will happen when I am by myself and for a longer time. All my fears might come to life. Now I know what you are thinking, don't think so negative, you can do it if you want to, you can be a big thing in this girls life. I have heard it all before, in fact I have heard it all last night and this morning. But it does not change the fact that they are there and they are real.
For the reason of the title...you think life is hard. It has nothing to do with my venting above it has everything to do with that little girl. When she gets frustrated I did not know what to do or think or what she was thinking. She has a hard life. There is not anyone that I know or have ever known that does not have a tougher life than that little girl. How frustrated would it be for you to not be able to just get up and walk if you wanted, or eat when you wanted or drink when you want. How bad would it be if you had a father around you and to know that he is frustrated with you but could not do anything to change. Or have everyday of your life planned out for you and that you had no say in what you were going to do. Or when you did get to go out into the public that people looked at you strange. This little girl can't even speak for herself. She knows what she wants and can't ask for it. I hope that if you are reading this you are thinking I hope I am never in this situation but guess what I am sure that little girl did not wish to be there but there was nothing she could do. Whatever made her the way she is she has to live with for the rest of her life, whenever that will be only God knows that for sure. I know that I could help her but could I be happy doing it that is the question for myself. Whatever I decide it is not just my life I will be affecting. This girl has it hard. Again no one has a harder life.