Thoughts of this year

Okay so I have no idea who is going to read this but it has been a long time so I think it is time to say my thoughts of this first year living in Utah again.


There has been good and bad things about being back in Utah. Right now I am thinking there is more bad than good but that is because of things I am going through. But this is not about what I am going through this is my thoughts. I still don't know why I am suppose to be here in Utah. But every time I thinking about moving somewhere I would get the feeling that my thought of moving is just scared about living my life here, by myself without my mommy and sister and niece and nephew near me. But guess what I made it through my first year so I think that I can make it longer. YAY!!! There are a lot of things that have made me a better, stronger person and I am glad that I have gone through each thing that I have gone through. Yes, most of them have been hard things like meeting someone that was nice and amazing but did not love me and that turned into be a gerk. I worked with someone that was very hard to communicate with. I meet someone that I am still in love with that even though we are working on just being friends I still feel like he is the one for me and that part of me left when he followed his heart to go with another girl.  I lived by myself and had to use my savings more than I thought to pay for bills. I have had a calling in my ward that I have had before but I feel like I have worked harder on it this time then last time. I have made it through my first year of teaching and have entered the first summer not being a teacher and I miss the kids. In all of this that I have done I still feel like there is more for me to learn in Utah and I am excited, and scared of what that is but bring it on.

What is stressing me

Okay so if you don't like reading negative things then stop right now. Because this is going to be a venting post. I am hoping that if I write about what is stressing me at this moment in time I can just move on and get going because everything that I am stressed about is not going to change but I feel like I need to vent to someone about everything and a computer will not talk back so here it goes.
1) My family- Don't get me wrong it is not them. It is me. Sometimes I hate being in Utah because sometimes they need help and I can't help them and second when they do ask me for help I am a brat and complain that they want me to drive home to help them and I have so much to do. It sucks why can't I just be happy with everything. I can't it does not work that way.
2) Work- My bosses said they would do something and they haven't. I know that they have other people to talk to then my assistant and I but when someone says they will do something I expect that they will do it and do it soon. There are things that I am not getting across to my assistant and my coach said she would come out and help me. And she hasn't so I feel like things are getting worse.
3) Projects just keep coming and coming. I can't seem to get a handle on it. Why am I venting and not working on my projects...it is because if I am stressed out my projects won't work. The projects that I have should not be that hard but certain things are making them harder.
4) My calling- Most of you know that I am a perfectionist and so when I can't do what I am suppose to do in every aspect of my life it is very stressful. But when someone won't give me a picture of them or answer 4 or 5 simple question what can I do. I just don't know how to do the best when my calling has to do with what other do as well.
5) Friends- There is a couple of people that I thought were my friends and then for who knows what they don't talk to me any more and I don't know what I did wrong. I would still be hurt if they did not talk to me but when I don't know what on earth I did wrong then that even hurts worse.
6) Money- I hate that this life revolves around money. There are something that you can't get away with not paying like rent, food and gas to get to work but when things are more than what you think it is worth then it is hard to be okay with what you are getting paid at work because sometimes it is just not enough for what the world around you is charging. So what do you do?
Well if you read it I am sorry for the venting but I had to get it off my chest. Now I hope that I can move on and get back to what I have to get done. For those of you who read this and live close to me if you are ever bored then let me know I would take help on things in a heart beat. Hope every one has a good month or however long it takes me to write again on my blog.   

My students

My students are so amazing. At the start of the year I had to test them to see where they were at and a lot of them were low. This last 2 weeks I tested them again and them did better. so I wanted to share the differences. The numbers are instead of names. First number is the first test and the second number is the second test.
1) 17~43
2)36~58
3)33~104
4) 106~128
5)21~57
6)21~52
7)59~103
8)41~59
9)25~41
10)53~63
11)55~65
12)66~78
13)29~45
14)45~83
15)39~65
16)47~71
17)36~58
18)44~86
19)52~77
20)77~82
21)109~131
22)117~121
I know a lot of them are still low but I am just glad that my teaching is helping them.

2013

I really can't believe that it is a new year. I normally tell everyone what my new year goals are but I have found that they are not all coming true so this year I am doing things a little different. I am going to write them in my journal and work on them secretly myself and see what happens. But want I can tell you all is that I want this year to be the most amazing year of my life. So to do that I hope that me working on these goals in my own way will make it be an amazing year. Also I will try and be a better blogger...and through my posts you might be able to figure out what my goals were. But I will not come right out and say them. Sorry. I hope everyone will have an awesome 2013. And I love you all....(even though I don't know who reads this any more)